dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
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