So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need to sanitize my soul.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
