A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
