so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
