Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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