could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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