Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
