i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
