I just saw a hot homeless man
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
