how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
