Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
