***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
