Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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