I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it because I queefed?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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