Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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