I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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