I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
