Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
