it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
