Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The Olympian is in my bed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
