Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
