I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
