it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
