I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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