Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
