I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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