watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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