I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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