It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
