Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
