I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
