yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
