I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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