If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
