Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
