theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
