it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
