hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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