Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
