What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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