my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
