My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
