he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
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