I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
