I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
