She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
