I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
