you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Everything about him screamed your future.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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