Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Randomize
