I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
