Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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