Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
