i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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