so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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